Arrival of Todd

Last night was pretty strange. It was definitely interesting, but strange nonetheless. I hung out with Kong and got hit on by a lot of guys, as usual. He got pissed off so we went somewhere else. Even though we're not dating, he still gets mad when guys flirt with me. This was kind of cute when we were dating but it's just frustrating now.

He took me to this garden/park and we started talking. About sex. He said he wanted to have sex with me. And I really really wanted to as well. But I knew that I couldn't. I guess my first instinct was right: he just wants to be fuck buddies. And even though I have a lot of friends with benefits, he's not somebody I can do that with.

He started spinning some story about how much he misses me and how much I mean to him. Truthfully, whether he means it or not (and I suspect not), this is getting old. Whatever we were is over and I don't want to go back to that. And I'm still not sure where we stand now.

Thankfully I was spared some of his lines by the arrival of Todd. Palpably, Kong was kind of pissed when he started hitting on me, but seriously he should be used to it by now. Todd wanted to know if we were together and I said sort of. He seemed to sense what was going on somehow. Anyway I'm grateful to him for breaking up our "serious conversation."

I honestly wouldn't mind dating Todd. He seems like a cool guy and he's a lot of fun to hang out with. I couldn't exactly flirt with him in front of Kong but I wanted to. So hopefully he'll call me and maybe we can hang out or something. I'm looking forward to that.

Playlist: Glad by Tyler Hilton, It's Only Life by Kate Voegele

Weirdness

So I had all night to think about things. I changed my mind. I don't want Kong back. And the reason is we're just going to be in the same position we were before. Nothing will have changed. So we should just be friends; friends who dance and kiss. That's ok, right? Nothing wrong with that. I don't think I can handle being in a relationship with him again. It's too hard.

You know what pisses me off the most about him? When I send him a message and he doesn't reply. When I get a message, no matter who the person, I give them the courtesy of a reply. Because the only way to resolve things is through communication.

So that's that. I'm going to tell him and this weirdness can be over.

Playlist: Man and Wife by Michelle Featherstone

Confused

I hung out with Kong tonight. We chatted and had fun just like old times. It was nice. I always knew we were good friends. And hanging out with him is fun. I can be silly with him and don't have to worry about looking stupid. I teased him about his weird goth clothes (which I secretly love) and actually got him to change out of them.

I asked him if he wanted to dance with me. So we went dancing. I don't know if this was a mistake or not. The thing is, having him so close, all I could think about is how much I wanted to kiss him. He asked me if I missed this, this being dancing and hanging out. I said yes. He said he missed it too. So I don't know where we stand.

Then he kissed me.

I want him back. But something tells me that even though he kissed me, he doesn't. I told him we have to make up our minds and decide what we're going to do. And he didn't reply. Maybe he just wants us to be fuck buddies. Maybe he doesn't want a relationship. Who knows? He never says anything. So I just said I should go and said bye. Part of me wanted him to stop me and tell me that he loves me and the other part just wanted to get away from him.

Playlist: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5