Always Love

Hey blog readers (ie Mariner :P)

I'm back! Yay! And I wasn't gone for as long as I had expected. Much has happened in my absence, however, I have started to blog my more personal life in another, slightly ruder blog. I think I will keep this one for my musings and anything that happens with regards to some of the characters I have mentioned in the past.

I haven't seen Mike in a long time. I miss him terribly. I think it's just our different schedules and the different hours we're online. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to send him any of the dirty emails I promised I would. Hmm. Maybe I should get on that.

So Obama is president! Thank god. I just realized how teeny-boppery this latest blog sounds. Well, put it away to too much coffee and lack of sex. Haha

No playlist for today.

Back Again

Once again I have been AWOL. I would apologize to my readers but I fear I have none. I was reminded of my duty to my blog by my good friend Mariner who happens to be comment on the blog. I had not given the URL to anybody and he found it by Googling me, of all things. I would like to thank him for bringing me back here.

Things have been extremely hectic lately. School has been very demanding and relationships and such have also been in some turmoil.

Unfortunately, I do not have much time to reflect on my life through my blog at the moment and I will promise I will be back. I'm just not sure when.

Adios

Playlist: "Believe" by Suzie McNeil

Harry Winston

Wow I feel slightly dumb. I realized after I posted that last post that the name Harry Winston seemed very familiar. I googled it and realized that it's the name of a jewellery company. I KNEW the name was familiar. I just couldn't figure it out. Well then.

Kicking and Screaming

So today was a pretty relaxing day. I woke up around 9 and read the new Lauren Weisberger book for an hour. In case you don't know, she's the author of The Devil Wears Prada. Her latest novel is called Chasing Harry Winston. I'm about 50 pages in and so far there is no Harry Winston. So I'm wondering when or if he will appear.

After that, I went to the airport to drop off my dad. He's going back to New York after visiting LA for a week. He didn't stay with me, even though I asked him many times. He didn't say so but I think he feels awkward staying over because there's the chance that Adrian would stay over as well. As if I would let my boyfriend sleep over while my dad's visiting! So he stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel instead. He's stayed there often even though we have a perfectly good house here that my grandfather (his father) built in Bel Air about 50 years ago. Every 10 years or so it gets a major facelift.

I had a soccer game tonight and am proud to say that we won 3-1. Unfortunately, I still hate the new coach. He definitely has no clue what he's doing. He didn't even have a line up prepared nor had he done research on the opposing team. He still refuses to let players play their positions, choosing instead to place people where he thinks they should go. He put my cousin in net today and she hates that more than anything. He refused to let another girl play forward even though she scored about 25 goals with out team last year. He also refused to put me on defence, a position I've been playing since I was 9. Sure I've play midfield the odd time in the past but I haven't played defence once this season. Part of me wants to just quit the team in protest but I love playing too much. And I've always enjoyed midfield. I just know I make a better defenceman.

So after the game, I picked up Subway. There's a cute guy that is always working on my game nights there and sometimes he gives me a free cookie. I wasn't particularly in the mood for Subway but I was in the mood for some harmless flirting. And sure enough, I was rewarded with a free chocolate chip cookie. :D

Playlist: October by Bethany Joy Lenz, Glad by Tyler Hilton

Liar, Liar

I had never thought about how difficult it is to write a book. It's as hard as school is! Luckily it's much more fun. I think I mentioned before how I sometimes think I might be a pathological liar. I think in reality it's my love for story-telling that tempts me to lie. I just love telling stories and having people believe them. For me, that's the greatest reward. Just having people read my stories would be enough. Of course, becoming a New York Times Best-selling author wouldn't be so bad either.

I ran into Spirit today. It was so good to talk to him. He's doing well and is seeing someone new. Can't remember her name though. Sable or something like that. It's nice to see him happy. He really deserves that. I also ran into Will. He hasn't talked to Sarah in about a month. He didn't seem too upset about it though which is good. That's the thing about Will; ever since his fiancee passed away a few years ago he doesn't let himself get involved enough to get hurt. Sometimes I think that maybe I should be like that. But I'm younger than Will and I want to feel that. The love that's so good that it hurts. I don't think I've found that yet.

I also ran in to Mike. Yes that Mike who left and went to his hometown. He's doing good and still turns me on like nobody's business. I haven't the faintest clue why that is. He just has some quality about him that turns me on so much. Just while we're talking about something completely normal, like the weather, he has the ability to make me so goddamn...ugh. You know what I mean. We didn't get the chance to do anything tonight but I'm fairly certain it won't be too long until we do.

Wow that's three posts today. Well I suppose it's now tomorrow. I guess in some way I'm trying to make up for lost time. It's so good to get things out again. I missed blogging.

Playlist: Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World, It Ends Tonight by the All-American Rejects

Just Write

I'm currently working on my book and I'm struggling with the names of my characters. I've enlisted Kyle to help but he's frustrating me more than helping. This is me taking a break from my book because I'm a little stuck. I always thought writer's block was a ficticious disease. Lately I've become infected.


Playlist: Mixtape by Butch Walker

Back to the Future

Hello again. I'm back. Hopefully for good. I suppose I better start on catching up on everything's that's happened since I last blogged.

Well last time I checked in Kong and I were on the friends borderline. He has a girlfriend now who is very nice and a hard partier. Her name is Bianca. A couple of times I went out with them with Sam, who I went out with a few times. That was a disaster before it even started. I suppose I will have to address that eventually but maybe at a later time.

I haven't spoken to either Kong or Bianca in about a month; my absence from blogging coincided with my absence from SL. I miss all my friends there but I don't think it's likely I'm going back. Not back the way it used to be anyway. I miss Spirit. His wife divorced him and I hate that I wasn't there to support him the way I should have been. He was like a big brother to me and got me through all the tough situations with Sam.

I'm continuing my book. I've been thinking about using Aruzia Melnik as my pseudonym. Only my blog-readers and my SL friends will ever know it's me. And even then they don't really know who "me" is. I've been very careful to avoid that. Each of my friends in SL know different parts of my life. All the rest I've told them has been a lie. Sometimes I think I might be a pathological liar. Anyway, the only way any of them would be able to figure out who I am or where I live or how old I am would be if each and everyone of my friends were to get together and discuss the different aspects of my life as I've told it to them. I don't think any of them read my blog anymore since I've been absent for so long they must have thought that I've abandoned both blogging, SL and the name Aruzia Melnik. It's a long, complicated story and I really don't want to get into it.

So, now for the present. I saw Sex and the City with Breanne on Sunday. The movie was alright but the company was dismal. I don't think I'll be going out with her again anytime soon. She's just not a lot of fun to hang out with. She doesn't talk, doesn't joke. She just sort of sits there. So only if I have to will we ever hang out. Or maybe once in a while. And not for a long while yet.

Kathryn's birthday was on Monday and on Saturday we went out to celebrate. It was a little premature but she works so much that it's hard to squeeze in time with her. We went to a fancy restaurant and got all dressed up. After that we came over to my place and watched Superbad again. We've gotten into the habit of calling each other McLovin again.

I gotta run to go get my little brother but I'll be back soon. Hopefully.

Playlist: The Good Kind by The Wreckers, For the Nights I Can't Remember by Hedley, Move Along by the All-American Rejects, Halo by Bethany Joy Lenz

Catch-up

Hey readers (if you even exist),
I realize I've been away the better part of a month. And it's not that I haven't had anything to tell you. Because, god, so much has happened since I last posted. Exams are around the corner, though, so I won't be able to post too long or too frequently. So this is me apologizing and saying I will be back. There's too much to tell to tell it all right now.
Oh I started working on my book again. I had started it last year and now i'm continuing it.

Playlist: I Won't Disagree by Kate Voegele

Arrival of Todd

Last night was pretty strange. It was definitely interesting, but strange nonetheless. I hung out with Kong and got hit on by a lot of guys, as usual. He got pissed off so we went somewhere else. Even though we're not dating, he still gets mad when guys flirt with me. This was kind of cute when we were dating but it's just frustrating now.

He took me to this garden/park and we started talking. About sex. He said he wanted to have sex with me. And I really really wanted to as well. But I knew that I couldn't. I guess my first instinct was right: he just wants to be fuck buddies. And even though I have a lot of friends with benefits, he's not somebody I can do that with.

He started spinning some story about how much he misses me and how much I mean to him. Truthfully, whether he means it or not (and I suspect not), this is getting old. Whatever we were is over and I don't want to go back to that. And I'm still not sure where we stand now.

Thankfully I was spared some of his lines by the arrival of Todd. Palpably, Kong was kind of pissed when he started hitting on me, but seriously he should be used to it by now. Todd wanted to know if we were together and I said sort of. He seemed to sense what was going on somehow. Anyway I'm grateful to him for breaking up our "serious conversation."

I honestly wouldn't mind dating Todd. He seems like a cool guy and he's a lot of fun to hang out with. I couldn't exactly flirt with him in front of Kong but I wanted to. So hopefully he'll call me and maybe we can hang out or something. I'm looking forward to that.

Playlist: Glad by Tyler Hilton, It's Only Life by Kate Voegele

Weirdness

So I had all night to think about things. I changed my mind. I don't want Kong back. And the reason is we're just going to be in the same position we were before. Nothing will have changed. So we should just be friends; friends who dance and kiss. That's ok, right? Nothing wrong with that. I don't think I can handle being in a relationship with him again. It's too hard.

You know what pisses me off the most about him? When I send him a message and he doesn't reply. When I get a message, no matter who the person, I give them the courtesy of a reply. Because the only way to resolve things is through communication.

So that's that. I'm going to tell him and this weirdness can be over.

Playlist: Man and Wife by Michelle Featherstone

Confused

I hung out with Kong tonight. We chatted and had fun just like old times. It was nice. I always knew we were good friends. And hanging out with him is fun. I can be silly with him and don't have to worry about looking stupid. I teased him about his weird goth clothes (which I secretly love) and actually got him to change out of them.

I asked him if he wanted to dance with me. So we went dancing. I don't know if this was a mistake or not. The thing is, having him so close, all I could think about is how much I wanted to kiss him. He asked me if I missed this, this being dancing and hanging out. I said yes. He said he missed it too. So I don't know where we stand.

Then he kissed me.

I want him back. But something tells me that even though he kissed me, he doesn't. I told him we have to make up our minds and decide what we're going to do. And he didn't reply. Maybe he just wants us to be fuck buddies. Maybe he doesn't want a relationship. Who knows? He never says anything. So I just said I should go and said bye. Part of me wanted him to stop me and tell me that he loves me and the other part just wanted to get away from him.

Playlist: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

Fantasies

I was right about English being a complete waste of time. The prof spent half an hour going over how to write a bibliography. I mean if people can't do that by now they shouldn't be in university. I had bought a book of Kakuro puzzles just for this. I spent the time doing those instead. For those of you who don't know what a Kakuro is, it's basically a crossword puzzles with numbers instead of words. It's a game of logic and math, perfect for me.

The rest of the period we spent on Truth and Bright Water so I continued finishing my Kakuro. It was a tough one too, very frustrating. I kind of got bored with it, well more frustrated really, so I thought I should at least pretend to be paying attention. I couldn't help but notice his physique. He really isn't bad looking. He reminds me of Ross from Friends. A little nerdy but still somehow hot. I noticed he had long long fingers and I couldn't help but wonder how those would feel inside me. He is married though so I probably won't find out. Although, maybe that shouldn't stop me. :P

Playlist: None :(

Lies, True Lies and Alibis

So Mike's gone. We had a nice last night. I got a little sad, and I think he did too. Sex isn't so great when you're sad. He was really sweet, though, and wanted to make sure we kept in touch. He also promised to send me the odd dirty email, which is a nice bonus. I promised to do the same.

I also patched up things with Kong, which is probably the best thing that happened tonight. We've agreed to just be friends and I think that's the best course of action. I still haven't told Mike about the lie, although Mike and Kong did meet briefly today. Mike was told that Kong and I are just friends. I feel awful about lying but Kong and I have a complicated history. Plus, Mike's gone anyway. And, OK, I know that's a crap excuse.

I realized a little while ago that Kong and I really are better friends than we ever were a couple. I loved him, and still do, but I realized that love is not an eros but rather a filia. I told him I still loved him and he told me he would never stop loving me. So I don't know where that fits in this puzzle. He promised to let me meet his new girlfriend and I promised not to look too sexy when I meet her. I know I'm going to have some problems keeping that promise. I'm naturally competitive, even if Kong is just a friend now. But I will be civil. Kong was nice enough to Mike this afternoon so I'm going to show him the same courtesy. I'm not promising that I'll like her though. I've always gotten along better with men, whether they're trying to get into my pants or not. Women tend to look at me and feel intimidated. I'm not at all trying to blow my own horn or anything. That's just how it is. He also said she's not as pretty as me which makes me feel nice but makes me wonder too. He's pretty good-looking and we made a pretty nice couple. I wonder how they look together. And Kong I know you're going to read this eventually, because I gave you the web address. So don't take any of this the wrong way.

I had some fun playing online games with Will tonight after Mike left. I kicked his butt at Sudoku and this weird big monster game he insisted we play. It involved a crazy clown and a rat cleverly named Ratputin.

I didn't even crack open one book today. Oh well, it's Thursday today and Friday is just English and Math. Easy-peasy. In English my professor is making us read this frightfully boring novel by Thomas King titled Truth and Bright Water. I didn't even read it and on Wednesday my group was given the topic of the Landfill to discuss. When I got the sheet of paper my mind went blank. Although I had Wikipediaed, it there was no mention of a landfill. My group wasn't too sure what there was to discuss either. It was pretty much a waste of an hour. Tomorrow will likely be similar. English has always been one of my favorite subjects. This professor has made it pretty crappy.

I tend to write and write when I get started so this entry is a bit longer than I intended. My apologies for burdening you with my drivelling nonsense.

Playlist: No Good by Kate Voegele, October by Bethany Joy Lenz, Halo by Bethany Joy Lenz, Collide by Howie Day, You and Me by Lifehouse, Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's,

King Kong vs Mike the Mighty

So Kong asked to see me today. That's not his real name by the way. It's Mike. But seeing as how I've already mentioned a different Mike I didn't want things to get confusing. Some people call him Kong anyway. When Mike (the real Mike) asked me what I was doing I lied and said I was at a staff meeting. So Mike if you are reading this I'm very very sorry. I know I told you I hate lying and I really do. I just didn't know how to explain everything to you.

I wasn't very happy about going to see Kong. It hadn't ended very smoothly. I had initially broken up with him but later realized that I missed him a lot. I tried to get him back but he wasn't very pleasant about it. I suppose I can't blame him. So, naturally, it was a shock when he wanted to see me today. And I wasn't exactly pleasant to him when we met up. Getting over him was hard to do and I hadn't wanted to do it. I said some things along the lines of "You had no right to call me today" and "Seeing you doesn't make anything better." Makes me sounds like a bitch doesn't it?

I just have to figure out how to tell Mike. We've only seen each other a few times and he's moving back to his hometown tomorrow. We're not serious or anything but it still sucks. We have a lot of fun together and the sex is amazing.

Adrian is my actual current boyfriend. He doesn't mind me having sex with Mike, which is very cool of him. I'm glad he doesn't feel threatened because I love him more than anything in this world. Plus lately we haven't really been having sex because he thinks I'm a distraction from studying. It is midterm time after all. I suppose I purposely try to seduce him too, by wearing close to nothing and threatening to make him hard all the time. I told Mike about this and he thinks Adrian should be thanking the gods for giving him a girlfriend who is perpetually horny.

First Ever Post

So I've never really had a blog before. I suppose this is very much like a journal, except it's out there for the world to see and judge. Well that's ok with me. Judge away folks. Aruzia Melnik isn't my real name, by the way, although it is a pretty cool name. Maybe when I have a daughter someday I'll name her Aruzia.

Right now I'm blogging when I really should be reading the chapter on feminism in my Political Science text book. Mike is waiting to hang out with me but I told him to wait a bit while I take a little while to study. Yesterday I spent a few hours with him and didn't really get anything done.

So I guess that's it for my first entry. Not such a great start I guess. Oh well.